āWhat religion are ya?!ā Yelled some teenage young man from the crowd, this past weeką± end, with violent fervor.
Ā
I get posed this question a lot. Partly because of my positive writing, both here and on social media, partly because of my wrestling persona. Even when someoneās not screaming it over crowd noise in a witcź¦°h hunt tone, it makes me uncomfortable and nervous.
Ā
āWhose team are you on?! How shall we sort you?!ā Is the translation that my mental filter of lookinÜ«g-for-deeper-meaning gives to the question.
Ā
I donāt want to be on a team. Teams are groups of Us, dually opposing groups of Them. Thatās the stuff justified-cruelty is made out of. Thatās the stuff that turning your back when someone else desperately needs your help is about. Itšās the stuffā that taking joy in someone elseās loss is made of, and the stuff that feeling loss at someone elseās gain is made of. F**k all that sh** to the fullest extent of the f**k.
Ā
So, youāre team F*** Teams, then?
Ā
Waištā¦ Whatā¦? No. Jusšt...okay...no! Iām neither team Teams nor team F*** Teams.
Ā
Ah. So, youāre not on team F*** Teams: youāre on team No Teams.
Ā
Wellā¦ Um, I guessā¦wait...š¼ No! Iām not even on team No Teams. Iām just not on a team, without being on a team.
Ā
Well, now youāre just not making any damned sense. You gotta be on a team. This here thing we call existence as a human being: itās a team sport, son. By not picking a team youāve picked a team.
Ā
Butā¦ Iā¦ I donāt want to play then.
Ā
So, youāre team Sit The Game Out, now, are ya? Thatās real close to team Chicken Sh**, ya know?
Ā
Ah, cāmon, Inner-hard-nosed-coach-voicš°e, canāt I just be, you know, likeš, a person?
Ā
Nope. Not here. Not in the realm of human existence. The realm of duality. Here you gotta pick sides! You team Young Bucks or team Cornette?
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I like, enjoy, and respect both sides.
Ā
Negative. You gotta pick. Are you team Blue or team Red?
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Well, Iām more of a Green guy, just-
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Oh, one of thoseā¦
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-ask my fellow wrestlers.
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Ha. Ha. This isnāt a joke. So, what religion are ya?
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Iām not a religion, Iām a human being, damn it!
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I told you; this isnāt a joke, son. Weāve all seen your promos. What New Age Hippie cult do you belong to?
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New Age? But, a lot of the ideas that I express publically aršÆe roughly 2,500 years old! And I-
Ā
Wait? Two thousand, five hundred, eh? Seems pretty specific. What happened then?
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Wellā¦ *Takes deep breath.* There lź§ived a prināce who was sheltered from the harsh realities of lifeā¦
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Go on.
Ā
According to his legend, when he was eventually confronted with the hļ·½arsh realities of being born human (sickness, old age, and death) he didnāt know how to process it and became severely depressed.
Ā
Sounds like a lot of people in this culture, when theyāre suddenly forced to stop their otherwise evergoing run from one distraction to the next, no longer able to avoid the shadow of sadness always lurking behind them by some personal, or collective, tragedy.
Ā
Yeah, right. *Ahem* So, this prince, Siddhartha, decides that his sheltered, materialistic lifestyle, of seeking out pleasure in the form of sense gratifying objectš s, is utter Bhrama-bullsh** and gives it up to seek out lasting happiness by becoming a wanderingš° monk.
Ā
Siddhartha, huh? Sounds foreign.
Ā
*Ahem* Okay, Siddhartha goes off into thź¦e forests and learns how to meditate and-
Ā
*Cough*new age*cough*
Ā
*Cough*twenty-five-hundred-years*cough*
Ā
Fair enough. Continue.
Ā
-And he learns quickly how to achieve states of amazing, peaceful bliss beyond any physical pleasure that even a prince could have šimagined, but realizes that he always comes back down to the ground of reality, where that shadow of sadness is looking up at him.
Ā
Hmm. Sounds like some other people I know.
Ā
*Ahem* Yeah, right. So, after even extreme practiceź§s of body-denying brutality fails to provide any relief for his ailing heart, Siddhartha becomes as completely disenchanted with spirituality as he had become with materiality. Feeling hopelessly depressed, he decided, āWell, clearly, no one that I have met has quite figured it out, yet. So, Iām going to sit my ass down under a tree and not stand up again, until I have achieved some type of lasting peace. If not, Iāll die trying.ā Iām āparaphrasing, of course.
Ā
I canāt tell if he was giving up or giving it his best shot.
Ā
Iād say both, simultaneously.
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Butā¦
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Shhh. After a long ass time to be sitting, even by a road weary indepenš¤Ŗdent wrestlšerās standards, he all of a sudden got it.
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Got what?
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You know: it. The lasting peace and happinešøss that he had been searching foą¼r.
Ā
How?!
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He had a realisation of four facts of life. When I first heard the first one, it had a hugš °e positive impact on š°my life. It was exactly the āduh-of-courseā thing I needed to hear during my some of my least-well days.
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What was it?
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That life, by its very nature, is not-so-great.
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Wait, what? Not-so-great?
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Sometimes itās translated as āsufferingā.
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Suffering? Life is suffering? What in the actual f*** kinda emo sh** is that? When Our Team wins is it suffering?
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For the other guy, obviously. For you, also, because a winning streak canāt last forever and, as much as you try to hide from it, the truth of unlasting fulfillment is always there, in the āshadow. Thatās the second fact of life, the cause of not-so-greatness: wanting to have, and keep, nice things in a perfectź¦ŗly destructive, re-creative world.
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So, we suffer like mothers of wild sons because they ācanāt have nice thingsā.
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Right, because they want lasting, ānice things:ź¦ŗ they havenāt realized that nice things have no business lasting, nothing does.
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Nothing? Then not-so-greatness canāt last, either.
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Exactly! Thatāsš¦ the third fact of life: you can lose the shadow of not-so-great-hornyness-for-nice-things.
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How?
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Tą²hatās the fourth fact of life: thereās a eight step path to sweet-shadowless-goodness:
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1.) Look - at life in a way that decreases not-so-greatness; by seeinš¼g things as they actually are, not as you want, or fear, them to be.
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2.) Decide: to start living life purpš½osefully; in a way that decreases the not-so-greatness for yourself and others.
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3.) Talk -š¼ in a way that purposely decreases the not-so-greatness for yourself and others; donāt talk in a way that increases it.
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4.) Act - in a wšay that purposely decreases the not-so-greatness for yourself and others; donāt act in a way you even suspect might incršease it.
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5.) Work - at a job that decreases the not-so-greatness for yourself and others; donāt work at one that inź¦¬creases it.
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6.) Try - your absolute best to stay on the path.
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7.) Pay Attention - to what is going on around you, and within you (thoš ughts, senses, emotions) at all times; take notes, learn.
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8.) Meditate - till you make it.
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So, by purposely being nice to yourself and others, by going out of your way not to create drama and going out of your way to decrease it where you do find it, and by sitting your ass down to relax without a guilty conscious, you can get off the vicious cycle of āwhy meās?
Ā
Thatās the idea.
Ā
What the hell was this Monk-Siddhartha guy, anyway? A psychologist, philosopher, or some kinda prophet or something?
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Well, shortly after he gained his realization under the tree, someone was so freaked out byź¦ being in his presence they asked him what he was. Siddhartha replied, āAwakened.ā
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Awakened?
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Well, these arš„e all my abridged translations, of course. In Siddharthaās native tongue he said āBudą¦dha.ā
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*Gasp* Buddha?! I knew it! Youāre a Buddhist!
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Look, I told you, Iām not on any team. The second you even use a term like Buddhism you create a dichotomy of silly differences bą“etween human beings; Buddhist and Non-Buddhists.
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But you follow the teachings of the Buddha?
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Yes.
Ā
What about the whole work-at-a-goody-two-shoes-job, Mr. Pro Wrestler? What about only-say-nice-things, Mr. Potty Mouth?
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Maybe, like me, those who are drawn to vioš§lent forms of escape from the stress of life are the ones who may benefit from the Dharma (teachings), the most. Maybe saying sh** in the way that makes people understand that I donāt think Iām any better than they are is the best way to start a beneficial conversation. Maybe. *Shrugs*
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How can you say all this and still claim that youāre not a Buddhist?!
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Iām neither a Buddhist, nor not a Buddhist. Iāām just a human being with the potential to be a better human being.
Ā
Thatās probably the most Buddhist sh** I ever heard, son.
*Smiles*