Welcome to another installment of
OFF-TRACK with A-TRAIN
where I examine the off-center and
OH MY GOD
RUN WOODLAND CREATURES
RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN
BRAUN STROWMAN JUST DECLARED WAR
ON THE FOREST
As you can see from the video above, entitled "Braun Strowma💯n's Monstrous WrestleMania 33 Workout", Braun Strowജman's idea of "Working Out" is simply HEADING OUT INTO THE WOODS WITH A GIANT WOODEN HAMMER AND A BATTLE AXE AND PUNISHING NATURE.
The narration starts with♑ Braun saying "There are more than 7 B꧑illion people on this planet," and I'm pretty sure the next line is:
"AND I'M꧑ GOING TO MURDER ALL OF THEM WITH THIS GIཧANT HAMMER."
"BUT NOT BEFORE I MURDER THIS FOREST."
It sh﷽ould also be noted that that Hammer he's swinging is made from the trunk of a previously murdered t🍸ree.
MY GOD.
I don't know what this forest ever did to Braun, but from the hate he obviously harbors towards it, I'm guessing the forest murdered his 🐎father.
It's the only explanation for this level of fury:
(Also this level of quick cut editing.)
We find out that he's just chopping down trees so he can use them for weight lift♒ing.
Because I guess there's not a Planet Fi🅷tness near his house.
Something must be done before Braun Strowman clear cuts🐭 the Amazon rain forest. He obviously works out a lot, and I don't think he's the type of guy to re-use a tree from workout to workout. Every workout, a new tree. Probably. So wast💛eful.
But then again, who's going to be the one to teach him how to recycle? I don't think he'd be too receptive to ec☂o-shaming.
Just look at how he looks at the sunrise.
HE LOOKS AT ꦐTHE SUNRISE AS THOUGH HE'S GOING TO EAT IT.
Talk about seizing the day.
Braun is going to seize the day, drag it into the wood👍s and beat it to death with a hammer made out of a tree trunk.
🅺He ends the video with his catchphrase "EVERYONE WILL FALL!" and now I really want someone to be like, "What do you mea๊n, Everyone?" and for him to respond with:
